"A day without laughter is a day wasted."
"The road to success is always under construction."
"If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out."
"The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on."
"A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished."
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."
"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"
"The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time."
"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography."
"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."
"Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much."
"I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you."
"To err is human; to admit it, superhuman."
"Great art is the contempt of a great man for small art."
"I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass."